Conspiracy Theories

1. Lucky Charms (the cereal) is trying to brainwash our children with Christian propoganda.

What we have here are the three cereal forms in Lucky Charms. From left to right, we can obviously see a) a fish, or the symbol for Christianity, b) the Greek letter Chi, which is often used to represent Christ in writings, and c) a Christmas tree, symbolic of the holiday that celebrates Jesus's birth.

2. 24 (the hit Fox TV show) is the brainchild of Dick Cheney. In the show, Jack Bauer often resorts to torture to obtain information from a suspect. Information he needs to prevent a terrorist attack on US soil. If Jack Bauer does it, it must be okay, right? So by watching 24 the government is slowly indoctrinating the public with the idea that torture is acceptable...as they recently tried to convince Congress to allow the CIA exemptions from torture laws.


3. The pharmaceutical companies are to blame for the nation's obesity epidemic. The hormones in the pill are dosed for approximately a 155lb woman. Women defined as "overweight" by their BMIs have a 60% higher failure risk and "obese" women have a 120% higher failure risk. Therefore, overweight women are more likely to have unexpected pregnancies than non-overweight women...which means more overweight kids (through genetics or teaching lifestyle choices or both). And we all know that overweight America has more health conditions, like heart disease and diabetes, that the pharmaceutical companies can now sell drugs for!

This post brought to you by the fear-mongering media (but the ideas are my own creativity!)

Can't we all just get along?

A Christian man is walking down the street. As he passes a black man, he says, "Merry Christmas." The black man replies, "Happy Kwanzaa." A block or so later, he passes an elderly lady. He says, "Merry Christmas." The woman replies, "Happy Hanukkah." A little farther down the street, he passes a liberal athiest lawyer. He says, "Merry Christmas." The lawyer replies, "How offensive! What if I had been black or jewish?"

But seriously, do I really need to boycott James Dobson's blacklist of businesses that don't say "Merry Christmas"? Come on now.

Babies are cute!

Awwwww!

Make sure you look at the slide show too. :-)

p.s. The thing I hate about this time of year is that it gets dark at 4:30 in the afternoon. Boo that. But maybe my iPod will be delivered today! Time to go fight the traffic and find out.

What I really do at work

Another prospect for the drug companies

I was Kansas-bound, lost and found
Isabella with a heart of gold
Thought I'd see her through it but the devil made me do it
It's a story I've never told
Spent a little time, and never learned to rhyme
I guess I never will
She sang a song about Wichita now, I can't sit still
Went a little like this...

It's only a minute and half long or so, but I always turn my speakers way way up whenever it comes on.

Molecule gives passionate lovers just one year - but if we could bottle this, think of the possibilities!

I've had some...difficult service lately. We went to dinner at Lonestar last night. We got our appetizer, then waited eons for our salads, and then our meals came out 30 seconds after the salad. Bad timing. I had ordered a steak with mushroom sauce and a loaded baked potato. I got...a plain steak and a plain baked potato. Several minutes later, I managed to flag her down and explain the problem. She took it back to the kitchen and came out a few minutes later, telling me they didn't have mushroom sauce. My baked potato had butter and sour cream, still a far cry from being loaded. Matt gave me his baked potato (he had a humongous steak to make his way through).

Let me pause for a minute and ask, why do women feel the need to apologize for things that aren't their fault? When I was talking to the waitress about my order last night, I started off my sentence with "I'm sorry, but..." I don't know why I did that. Matt didn't do that when he was asking her to correct something on the check. It's silly, but I do it.

Anyway. Back to my service issues. I went to Target this morning to pick some stuff up. One of the things I was getting was a standing grater for Matt's mom, to replace her lousy flat one. The graters were on a shelf, with a "Price Cut $3.99" tag below. The regular price label was underneath the sale tag. When I got to the register, it rang up at the regular price. I explained that there was a sale tag on the shelf. The cashier told me I was incorrect, so I offered to show her the tag on the shelf. We went back there, I showed her the tag, and she told me it was for something else. It turned out that it really was for something else (in small print on the bottom of the tag), but who puts a sale tag below something that's not on sale, and *over top* of the price of the thing that's not on sale?? Grrrr.

UPS.com says my iPod is out for delivery today. Let's see if they can get it right this time.

I keep thinking today is Wednesday.

Isabella, won't you sing your song again for me?
Wichita never shined its light on me
-VaCo, "Wichita/Wichita Reprise"

Mondays

Some company must have just sold my yahoo mail address recently. I used to get a spam e-mail every other day or so. About two weeks ago it shot up to 8-10 per day. Jerks.

I did *not* sleep well last night.

And we're home

Vacation was good. As always, I'm glad to be home though.

I bought an iPod tonight. We went and looked at them at Best Buy, but I was cranky then because it was $50 more than I had thought and I was still feeling envious that Matt got his for free but I would have had to spend *all* my Christmas money on mine. I ended up just getting two DVDs then (Crash and Mona Lisa Smile). We watched Crash when we got home; Matt had never seen it. It was as good as I remembered it. So anyways, I was looking around on Yahoo Shopping tonight, and I found a merchant with good customer ratings that was selling iPods for $239.99, no tax or shipping. So it ended up being about $75 cheaper than Best Buy, and I should have it in 3-5 days.

Got the rest of the Christmas-present-making supplies, made two more cookie doughs (I'm done with that!) and went to JC Penney too - I wanted some camis for Christmas parties this year, and I ended up getting cute pajamas for Julie's Christmas present (no, she can't use the computer yet).

Getting close to the 300th post...should make it before the end of the year.

Papers Please?

United States vs. Deborah Davis - Hmm, this sounds familiar to me. Oh wait, Nazi Germany. That's right. I especially liked the one cop telling her, "...everyone had to show ID any time they were asked by the police, adding that if she were in a Wal-Mart and was asked by the police for ID, that she would have to show it there, too." Um, no, that would be against the 4th amendment protecting citizens against search without a warrent. There's no law saying you even have to CARRY an ID, much less produce it on demand.

Rawr rawr rawr.

Happy Birthday!

To my webpage, that is :-) It was on Sunday. And I forgot because I spent 8 hours in the car. But it's been a year of posting...w00t!

Sucks to be you

If you bought a Panda Ticket online, that is.

Car Ride

Did you know John Tesh has a radio show?

John Tesh: And in the next hour of the John Tesh Show, find out if your marriage is on the road to divorce!
Me: Oh no, Matt! We won't be in the car long enough to find out if we're on the road to divorce!
Matt: No, we're on 161.
(long silence)
Me: PUNCH!

Sweating...

I told Matt not to turn on the Georgia Tech-Miami game. We turned on the OSU game when they were up 28-12 over Texas, and OSU didn't score again the rest of the game. And lost.

Georgia Tech hasn't scored since we turned on the game right after the half. They're up by 4 points with about 6 minutes left in the game...and Miami has the ball.

To Be Continued.

UPDATE (11:12pm) - So that was the longest 6 minutes EVAR. The score? 14-10 Georgia Tech!! VT for teh other win!!

Football Hilarity

Matt Green: My TV weighs about 120 pounds.
Randi: That's like a cheerleader and a half!
Matt Green: Except not as much fun.
Matt: What are you going to do with half a cheerleader?
Matt Green: Oh, I think you know.

VT for teh win!!

Second Bunch of Stuff

I decided to make a second post because my mental list was getting too long. What are we on, 15?

15. Politics
This is why I hate the republicans, and the democrats.

16. Julie
One of Julie's therapists gave her a yes/no box so she can answer questions. She responds by pushing the yes or no button and it says that answer. She's also eating salad, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and other foods. I can't wait to see her again! It's only been about 6 weeks or so for me, but Matt hasn't seen her since the beginning of July - I think he'll be pleasantly surprised.

17. Lyrics
My current favorite BNL song is "The Wrong Man Was Convicted."

Who's lonely now? Which one of us is suffering?
Who's in his cups? Which one of us recovering?
Who likes to look at pictures and cries, but way too late?
Who doesn't want to change a thing, accepting it was fate?

The wrong man was convicted
You know I did the deed
I thought that you would wait for me
Your wants I needn't heed
The wrong man lies beside you
And waits for you to wake
And all because I lacked conviction
The judgment's my mistake

Who's breathless now? Who only hyperventilates?
Who'd die for you? Who's dying inside anyway?
Which one of us is sunshine and which one's growing dim?
Two men dream of you at night, do you just dream of him?

The wrong man was convicted
You know I did the deed
I thought that you would wait for me
Your wants I needn't heed
The wrong man lies beside you
And waits for you to wake
And all because I lacked conviction
The judgment's my mistake

Who's lonely now? Who's reaching out to no one?
Who's lonely now? It takes one to know one

I changed my mind, you said that I could change it back
I wanted space, and now change has fallen through the cracks
If I'm again beside your body, don't tell me where it's been
It's cruel, unusual punishment to kiss fingerprinted skin

The wrong man was convicted
You know I did the deed
I thought that you would wait for me
Your wants I needn't heed
The wrong man lies beside you
And waits for you to wake
And all because I lacked conviction
The judgment's my mistake
It's my mistake

Bunches of stuffs

Okaaaay...so that post I promised the other day didn't happen quite on time. But here you go. For readability, I've decided to number things because I have a bunch of stuff.

1. Travel
So I went to New Jersey last weekend to visit people and get some stuff. I ended up with two bedside tables (Matt doesn't like them) and $2156. w00t! My cousins Rachel and Michael liked my laptop more than me, I think. I made the mistake of letting them play "Shark Dominoes" when I got there. I can't count how many times I heard "Let's just play Shark Dominoes" that weekend (sometimes even in the middle of another game). I also had my obligatory trip to The Spain (complete with mandatory lobster) and saw my Nana and Aunt Mary as well.

2. Movies
I really want to see Walk the Line. And Shark Boy and Lava Girl 3D is one of the worst movies I've seen in a while.

3. Temperature
It's really freaking cold out now. The other morning, I told Matt "It's 35 degrees outside." He checked weather.com and said "No, it's 36 degrees." I said "Okay then, let me get my shorts." The upside is that I can wear my cute pink-and-green-striped SBC scarf!

4. Traffic
So I thought it was going to take me 5 1/2 to 6 hours to get to NJ. I was supposed to be there around 2pm Friday. I got there at 11:45. However, I made up for it on Wednesday when it took me 2 hours and 10 minutes to drive 31 miles from work to church.

5. Pet Peeve
Something that's really been bothering me lately is when I make a space for you in traffic and either a) you don't take it or b) you don't give me "the wave." What happened to the wave? I do something polite, you acknowledge me. It's simple.

6. Cookies
I have 4 doughs made (out of 7). And I'm out of eggs. Stupid birds.

7. Links
The 11-Year Quest to Create Disappearing Colored Bubbles - this was a pretty cool article...who knew it would be so tough to make colored bubbles?

Superhero or Household Cleaner? - It's harder than you think. I got 14 out of 20.

8. Thesis Proposal
I have a hypothesis. Want to hear it? "Downregulation of Hif-1 alpha by an unknown mechanism confers an apoptotic advantage to a tumor cell but creates an angiogenic defect for the tumor mass, leading to increased early metastasis." Yeah, I know I'm awesome. I have 8 pages written.

9. More Awesomeness
This is quite possibly my best comment ever (scroll to the bottom of the comments list).

10. Football
VT versus UVA!! Should be a good game. I'm making chili. And cupcakes (I tried to do it last night; see #6). Ryan's making cornbread. You know you want to be there.

11. Marine Corps Quotes
The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!
Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady of the United States, 1945

Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem.
Ronald Reagan, President of the United States; 1985

Marines I see as two breeds, Rottweilers or Dobermans, because Marines come in two varieties, big and mean, or skinny and mean. They're aggressive on the attack and tenacious on defense. They've got really short hair and they always go for the throat.
RAdm. "Jay" R. Stark, USN; 10 November 1995

12. Census
Did you know that you are legally bound to respond to the US Census? And that if you refuse, or knowingly provide false information, you can be fined up to $500. The problem I have with this, is that it seems that the new census is asking for some increasingly private information, and citizens have no rights to refuse. Things such as what time you leave for work in the morning, how much you pay for insurance/property taxes/rent or mortgage, do you have disabilities, etc. Now I am not opposed to data aggregation; my problem is that you cannot opt out, and that all this information is tied to your social security number (as opposed to anonymous surveys). I don't like the idea that the government can come to my door and obtain any kind of information they wish under the umbrella of the census, and I have no rights to refuse.

13. Punctuation
Why am I incapable of hitting the " ' key on the first try? I always end up with a ; in my contractions.

14. To Be Continued?
I feel like there's more to say. I may edit this post throughout the day if I think of other stuff, so check back later if you care.

Internet silliness

I'm such a lemming :-)

1. Matt -- 2. Julia -- 3. Seth -- 4. Carly -- 5. Phil -- 6. Matt M. -- 7. Ryan
8. Eric -- 9. Matt G. -- 10. Robyn -- 11. Gillian -- 12. Randi -- 13. Staci
14. Kim -- 15. Mike -- 16. Dan -- 17. Jason -- 18. Megan -- 19. Michael
20. Lisa

How did you meet 13?
She was one of the “tour guides” when I visited Johns Hopkins

What would you do if you never met 5?
Not have nightmares about being stuffed in a refrigerator

What do you honestly think of 10? Honestly?
I wish she lived closer to me!

Have you ever liked 3?
Yep, but he wouldn’t take me to the ROTC ball so we broke up.

If 1 died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need them to know?
That I love him, and how to do the laundry now that I’m dead.
(Okay, so I totally misread this question at first.)

Would 2 and 11 make a good couple?
No, but they made good bridesmaids.

Do you think 12 is hot?
All the time.

Would 1 and 17 make a lovely couple?
No, Matt’s too tall for Jason.

Tell me something humiliating about 11.
She fainted at my wedding.

Do you know any of 3’s family members?
Yes, I’m one of like three people outside his family that his dad talks to.

On a scale of 1-10 how cute is 14?
8

What would you do if 4 just professed their undying love for you?
Probably not invite her to poker night next time.

What language does 19 speak?
English?

Who is 8 going out with?
I assume he’s still “going out” with Carly…

Is 9 a boy or a girl?
Boy oh boy!

Would 18 and 4 make a good couple?
All of my couples are girls…

When was the last time you talked to 5?
Wow…um, a couple weeks ago?

What is 1’s favorite band?
Switchfoot?

Does 2 have any siblings?
Nope

Would you ever date 6? Would you ever date 7?
Probably not 6…maybe 7 a long time ago.

Would you ever date 8?
Nah.

Is 15 single?
Nope.

What is 19’s last name?
Allen

What is 4’s middle name?
Ummm…Beth? If it’s not, it sounds good anyways.

What is 10’s fantasy?
I have no idea…I guess in the short term for VT to beat UVA this weekend.

Would 14 and 19 make a good couple?
No, they have different…tastes.

What school does 16 go to?
Dan went to Carnegie Mellon...who knows where he'll be next year for grad school.

What school does 1 go to?
I know Matt is a Hokie.

Where does 9 live?
In the bedroom next to Ryan, unless he already moved, in which case, Chantilly.

Would you make out with 13?
No.

Are 5 and 6 best friends?
Enough to live together.

Is 20 older than you?
Yes.

Is 4 the sexiest bitch alive?
You know it ;-)
--------

I'll have a real post later on today.

Kitties!

I took this picture the other day of the "intruder" that came to visit Max and Roxie. Max was visably upset, even after the other cat left (he ran around to all the windows to try to find it). Roxie was considerably more laid back.

One half of the story

What keeps a husband crazy in love - a list of 13 suggestions of things wives can do for their husbands. I'm amused that the first one on the list is "play poker." Check. Good list? Bad list? Guys will have to weigh in on this one. What I'd like to see now is a list for husbands. Suggestions?

Cookies!

So I made my cookie plan for this year (I do the baking for both sides of the family, as well as my own people). The menu:
-Chocolate Chip Oatmeal (my favorite)
-Ginger Drops
-Santa's Whiskers (a coconut-cherry cookie)
-Holly Leaves
-Cranberry Double-Chip
-Almond Candy Kiss
-Fudge
-Chocolate Chip (for Matt)

I also decided what the "grown-ups" gift would be this year - because we have so many aunts/uncles/etc we get everyone the same thing. Last year it was olive wood ornaments from Jordan. This year I'm doing a homemade food/ornament dealy - spiced nuts and flavored truffles, with a curly wire ball ornament. I'm excited about this endeavor...hopefully it will work out well! I already went to Joann Fabrics tonight on the way home from church to get stuff for the ornaments. The cats like the flashy wire strands. It's actually kind of annoying.

I feel snarky today...so much I'd love to say and can't. Oh well.

Teh Monies

Earn under $57,343? Watch out - interesting article about the breakdown of homes by salary rank and what proportion each group pays in taxes. Who knew we were so wealthy by comparison?

Marcus Vick owes me $10

SIX TURNOVERS. Six. When I need two hands to count your turnovers, something is very wrong. I just made good on my debts to Matt and Paul. Other than decorating my desk with Miami logos and such, they were pretty nice about it. I plan on submitting a form for reimbursement.

We watched the whole entire game, from kickoff to the final knee Miami took. I believed that we were going to see a whole different team come out of the locker room after halftime. I believed we could win, up until the very end of the third quarter. I remembered that Tech scored three touchdowns in the span of like five minutes in the 3rd quarter to beat Georgia Tech last year. I thought they could still come back until Vick's endzone fumble was recovered by Miami for their 4th score of the game. Then I just hoped we wouldn't get shutout. What made it bearable? Two martinis, and Laurie's friend Kylie. She is hilarious. Matt and I almost fell off the couch laughing at things she said several times. A sampling:

At halftime:
Kylie: I'm going to go down there and knife someone. Or stab. Knife...is that the right term?
C: It depends on where you're going. People get stabbed in Blacksburg. People get knifed in Miami.

Right after Tech scored their only touchdown:
K: I figured out the trick! Laurie was sitting on my lap when they scored!
Entire room: Get back in here Laurie!!

After the game:
K: There aren't enough meatballs in the world to fill this hole. (She wanted a Wawa meatball sub earlier).

and
K: I'm going to need seven orgies to forget this game. And I'm a woman, so you know I'm not gonna plan them!

Also said:
Nate: There's this drink...it's a mix of vodka, nyquil, and ecstasy.
K: I don't think we have any ecstacy.
C: Well, you know what Meatloaf said - two out of three ain't bad.

K: Can you snort crack?
C: No, I think the rocks get stuck in your nose.

N: You're the best Hokie that didn't go to VT that I've ever met.

Yeah, that's right. Maybe I don't know the fight song (Matt doesn't either) but I know the Hokie High cheer. I've rattled my keys on third down and sang "Stick it In" with the marching band. I never went to the school other than weekends and one class with Matt, but I'm a Hokie fan whether they're 10-0 or 0-10. I don't "own" the Hokies only when they're good. I consider myself a Hokie because I like them, I married into the VT family, and at least 75% of my friends are Hokies (at Matt's b-day party last month, everyone there was a Hokie except for me and Dan). So there.

Oh yeah, what's with Notre Dame (6-2) being ranked higher in the human polls than VT (8-1)? I swear, ND is the most overrated team in NCAA football. At least the BCS rankings look fairly reasonable right now...ugh, who ever thought the BCS standings would be good.

Now, for my essay of the day: Why I will never go back to Pep Boys.

So, I got a flat tire in the parking lot on Saturday, somehow. AAA came out on Sunday and put the spare on, but by the time they made it out here it was too late to have the tire fixed. So I had to go this morning. Now, I will tell you that Matt told me to go to Pep Boys. He will tell you that he told me to go to Washington Lube first. But that's beside the point now.

As a customer, I expect several things.
1. When I come up to the counter, I expect to be acknowledged. Even if you are on the phone or something, a simple "Be with you in a minute" will suffice. Or even eye contact. I do not expect to be ignored by 6 different people behind the counter for over 10 minutes when I'm the only one waiting.

2. I expect that the job will take reasonably close to the amount of time you tell me. If you say "about an hour" I expect an hour. Maybe an hour and a half. I do not expect it to take almost 3 times that long. Putting on two new tires does not take an additional hour and 45 minutes after the hour I waited for you to tell me you couldn't patch my tire (also suspect, but I have no way of proving it).

3. I expect to be treated like a regular customer and not a "girl." Do not call me "dear" or ask me if I'm waiting here or going shopping. I just told you I was waiting here. You wouldn't ask a man that.

4. When I pay, I expect you to have my keys ready for me or to have my car brought around. I do not expect to have to stand on the sidewalk for several minutes like a twit, walk over to the side where my car is parked and look inside to see if the keys are in the ignition, and then have to go back inside to ask for my keys. And when I do come back up to the counter, don't say "Oh, need your keys?" Of course I need my keys, you jerk. I am not capable of performing a vulcan mind meld on the engine block.

Okay, that's all. I'm angry again now. And who knows when I'll be leaving, since I didn't get here (or get to eat anything) until 1:30. What a waste of a day.

Another Success

Nothing much to report at work, but I was able to make sweet potato french fries tonight without burning the building down with boiling oil. Or personal injury...we all know how prone I am to self-induced burn injuries.

I plan on collecting $10 on Monday after VT's win this weekend. I had already made a bet with Matt Vaughn, and today at lunch Paul was making all sorts of comments about VT losing. Finally, I said "Are you going to keep talking trash or are you going to put your money where your mouth is?" So he went in for $5 too...he said any more and he would have had to get permission from his wife :-)

I need to make food and clean tonight and tomorrow. But we're watching Welcome to Mooseport right now...I'll have to work it into my schedule.

It seemed so glamorous before

I realized today that a successful graduate career consists mainly of transferring minute amounts of liquid from one tube to another. Seriously. That's it. I envisioned myself in an interview a few years down the road:

Interviewer: So, Ms. Silverthorn...I see you have a PhD from Johns Hopkins...very impressive. What did you do in your graduate work?
Me: Well, I moved small amounts of liquid from one tube to another tube. And then I put the tube into a machine, and a Nobel Prize popped out!

Heehee, I wish.

I'm confused

Why is Pres. Bush "unveiling" his flu strategy to NIH scientists and not vice versa? And why does his flu strategy have the Dept of Homeland Security as the point organization and not Health and Human Services?

I'm scared to cough...

...I might be accused of being a terrorist.