Saturday, August 05, 2006

Milk reviews

419 of them, so far - from's new grocery store offerings. A lot of them are awesomely funny. At one point I was laughing so hard I was crying. A taste:

"You do realise this is nothing more than a lightly processed bodily fluid from a live cow." - one star

"This is the richest, creamiest milk that has slid down my windpipe in ages. I can't believe this came out of a cow's teat, held lonesome in some old barn, flies around. And yet, that old world flavor! I don my tuscan breeches and hed for the sea. It's olive harvest time and my sister's friend is looking ripe." - five stars

"I used to think my rage was uncontrollable before I started using Tuscan Whole Milk. I've been moderately rage-free for 21 days now." - three stars

"Not a good manta ray repellent" - one star

"Milk is a good food. It cured my Dengue Fever. But then I was hit by a truck. Thanks a lot, milk. I hate you." - five stars

"I used my Tuscan Whole Milk to make me strong and it did the trick. The toughest guy in the neighborhood is my friend. I drank 3 big glasses of this milk (I was going for 4 but got full) to get strong. Then I told my tough guy friend I could beat him up because I was stronger. He looked at me like I was kind of weird. I'd like to give this Tuscan Whole Milk 5 stars, but a few things held me back. First, aforementioned by previous reviewers, is the lack of operating instructions. Luckily, I've had previous user experience. Second, I didn't like the way he looked at me. Pros: Makes you strong. Creamy. Cons: People look at you funny." - four stars

Oh, and $3.99 for a gallon of milk? What a rip.

1 comment:

Matt Green said...

Thats great.